Like two lines; same gradient, different equation. We were bound to never meet.

So, this is where I find myself. So, this is how I end up. So, this is what I've sown. So, I've been blinded by hope. So, I'd been inane enough to convince myself I stood a chance. Every single goal I set for myself; I rush into chasing it, looking only forward. To my what? My finish line. My horizon? My fast reaching horizon. Horizon. An imaginary line that recedes as you approach it.

I wonder why I am always late, even by a bit. Why am I always this close to getting something, always almost but never there?

These two days have been fun, but yet for me, I've been wondering about many things. Like how I always let others down, how I never meet expectations etc. I've never thought about how the things I do affect the others around me. Now, as I sit and cogitate, I realise that I sure get myself into great big messes despite being so ostentatious in my guard against them. I always overlook the egregiousness of my actions. I've never spared a thought for others. I was too self-absorbed in my own world.

Of late, I suppose pressure, and living up to expectations does change people. Though, why let it bring about the forlorn, overdriven side of everyone? Realism, shouldn't be brought into extremism, should it? Inane as it may sound, occluding myself somehow exudes a greater lure to me. (:I do contradict myself.

Despite all this parley, I find myself striving for such insolent, worthless, standards. Standards set selfishly by other people. What I really want, beats me. Sooner or later, it'll probably morph into something obsolete. But I really was jolted today. Instead of relishing my adolescent fantasies,sponging up whatever sort of self-indulgence possible, and prancing amidst self-conjured uptopias, decked with all the usual regalia. I should at least attempt growing up a bit.
In the hope of disemcumbering the ridicule hurled at me- Every single time I get shaken to my senses.

And now, if you asked me if I even know myself, I won't even know the answer to it. I never thought there would be a day where I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I never thought I would succumb to comformity, just to suit the environment. I'm seriously contradicting myself. I told myself once that I would never change myself for others. Just look at the situation now. I'm like. Going through a schizoprenic alteration. I don't even know what I'm becoming into.

And again, it hits me. Well, what can I possibly say. So, this is how it all ends. So, I've failed in this. So, I missed this chance. So, what?