Constantly I’ve been telling myself, “Don’t. It’s ridiculous.”. And I’m quite glad that it’s working. I think I seem rational enough. I’m finally able to block out thoughts like this.Sometimes I wish we are not so superficial. Sometimes I hate the way we neglect things, we only care about what’s better in comparison, we discard the old. I wonder why I am always late, even by a bit. Why am I always this close to getting something, always almost but never there? You can’t get everything you want- so deal with it. They say happiness is a choice.

These few days have been really taxing. First, my section, then my parents, and then schoolwork. No wonder they say sec 3 life ain't easy.

Schoolwork. I'm not even done with half of them. I don't even know what I'm doing. Perhaps I'm just sick of this monotonous cycle where I study everyday. It's so boring. I don't even understand a single question of maths. Which makes me wonder why I even chose this combination. But oh well. Since I've already chosen it, there's no turning back is there? I'll just stick with it. That's life.

Parents. I don't wanna talk about them. It'll make me sound disrespectful. But no matter what, I still love them. I just hope they'd respect my decision for once.

Section. Ok. I seriously have to rant. Perhaps, you all are doing all these to me inadvertently. But i prefer to believe you guys simply being yourselves.I don't know what happened. But like seriously. Can't the juniors just respect their seniors for ONCE and not make a fool out of themselves? It's seriously so disgracing. Well, I'm not the one at fault. They are. But I, being the leader of the section, it makes me feel like I've not disciplined them and I've not taught them well. Like I've just been going along with whatever they do. It makes me feel like such a failure. I don't even know why they chose me to lead the section. It's not like I can do a good job. But still, I seriously hope that for once, percussion section will learn to respect the seniors and do what they say instead of just doing what they want to and causing so much distractions in the band. Seriously. Sometimes I wonder why I make such personal sacrifices even though I know nobody would see them. Maybe its just my personality; maybe it's just because I'm critically stupid. I know I'm not a proficient SL. Neither am I that responsible either. I know I have my shortcomings. But I try. I try to be the best that I could since I've been given the responsibility to lead and guide you all. It's not that I want to. It's cause I have to. Because its not whether I want it or not, but rather the circumstances around me has led me to choose the path I have chosen. Many of the things we do aren't exactly things that we enjoy doing, but rather things that we know we have to do sooner or later. And for my portion, giving my all is what I have and choose to do. I stand firm on whatever ground I have decided to stand upon, regardless of whether it wants to give way or not. Sometimes its not whether you can say or describe something so wonderfully, perfectly well, but rather your actions that really speak for what you think within yourself.

Oh well. I've finally seen your true colours and I've finally learnt to depend more on myself. And the people close to my heart. Yes. HA!

Shoots. I'm beginning to sound very angsty hur? HAHA